Mixing Messages

Have you ever been told something that means one thing?  “I want you in my life.”  And in the very next sentence you are told something that completely cancels it out?  “I can’t be around you.”  The result is…… confusing.  What does this person want? Do they realize they are sending mixed messages?

One unintended consequence of giving someone mixed signals is that the person receiving the signals has to choose what they think you are actually trying to say.  A lot of misinterpretation can happen.  Wouldn’t it be easier to say what you mean?

I have a theory about people who send mixed messages.  I think that they don’t know what they want or what they are feeling.  A person cannot express something simply when they themselves do not know how they feel.

I can understand how mixed messages happen.  Most of us are a mixing bowl of emotions.  Imagine cookie dough before you blend it together.  Every ingredient separate but in the same bowl.  That’s like our feelings and emotions.  We are the bowl and our feelings and emotions are the ingredients.  They are all there together inside our heads.  The emotional mix we get is unique to each of us.

And like making cookies if you take the time to stir everything together, it will become dough.  When you take that dough and make it into little round balls and cook it, you get a cookie.  Or in this case a fully formed thought.

I like it when someone is honest with me and tells me what they mean.  I think that most people would prefer to be treated with honesty and respect.  I also think that most people are like me and would prefer to be given a straight forward answer.

I am not talking about saying cruel or hurtful things.  Mixing signals doesn’t spare anyone’s feelings.  Both of those behaviors cause hurt, confusion and mistrust.

When you give someone the benefit of the doubt and do not try to second guess their feelings by giving them mixed messages, you treat them with respect and provide an opportunity for them to deal with their own feelings.  It is a positive and healthy experience for both parties.

Enough about mixed messages.  I really do like cookies.  And all of this talk using the cookie dough metaphor has made me hungry.  I’m going to mix together a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough and bake some cookies!

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